Friday, December 28

Documentation

I figured knowing what you craved during pregnancy is kinda fun information so in my second post of the day here we are so far:

Sushi
Seafood
Rootbeer
Steak
A good salad
Qdoba

I will continue to list them as I remember them, or as I have them.

Miserable

I have a head cold. I feel like death. I am not sleeping well, because I don't have a working nose. That is a crappy organ to have give out on you. The congestion has been very one sided, as in, I am only able to breathe through one nostril. SO frustrating. Not being able to breathe has literally made me anxiety ridden and panicked. I feel like I am being smothered. My nose has been blown so many times I have a scab under it. I can't open my mouth very wide to eat, because I have a tender cold sore. I have been so nervous about taking any kind of medicine, I don't want to give the baby anything bad. I broke down and took a 24 decongestant. It was time release so I would have 1 hour of breathe time then 2 hours waiting for the next release of medicine. Time between got longer and longer and the lasting effect shorter and shorter, that is when panic set in, and feeling smothered. I just wanted instant lasting relief. I saw an advertisement for 12 hour decongestant nasal spray, desperate I told Nate to go get me something like that. He came home with a vicks 12 hour decongestant spray. HALLELUJAH HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE LORD. It burned like hell, but I have been clear for several hours. Now I am hoping to get a good nights sleep. Thank you Vicks!

Friday, December 21

Gestational Rollercoaster

I had to install a software override in my brain, that sends me an alert to eat when I feel like puking. My brains' hardware rejects the idea of food without this software. It has integrated into the system nicely and the moment I start to feel weird in the digestion area, I get an alert to snack. For the past few days I have been following the alerts and eating when I have been feeling weird, even when I have eaten very recently. I thought maybe my appetite was just increasing, but eating hasn't been fixing the funky feeling. This has both the hardware and software confused. As I was laying in bed, filing through my symptoms the word "burn" zipped past. It feels like a burning, in my stomach/chest area, a very unfamiliar feeling. This triggered a memory. My friend Cloie talked about her horrific heartburn during her pregnancy with Sophia (my God-daughter). Heartburn? Could this be heartburn? I think this may be heartburn! I have never had heartburn before, I certainly didn't get it with Claralynne. It came as quite a shock that I would be getting heartburn, when I didn't get it with Clara. Then it occurred to me. Two parts of my logic fight on a regular basis. See a large part of me, is very baffled that I am not pregnant with Clara. This is a whole different person! The other part of my logic thinks this confusion is quite funny, of course I am not pregnant with Clara! The two fight, and I get these little bits of confusion when I experience something I didn't experience in my last pregnancy. So to end a long story, I took some Rolaids and went to sleep. Now I have to reprogram my software, to alert me to eat when I feel weird, and take Rolaids if I have eaten within the last hour. It is a confusing thing. As I am sure you know by trying to read it.

Wednesday, December 19

Christmas Spirit

Nathan and I both knew living in Texas made it difficult to find the Christmas spirit. We never felt that it was Christmas time at all, and would jeer at the Christmas songs playing overhead..."it isn't Christmas, turn that crap off". Maybe it was because there was no snow, maybe it was because we didn't have our families, maybe it was because we were so unhappy in Texas, maybe it was all of them. This year there is snow on the ground and we have finally reached stability that has lead to happiness in our lives here in Michigan. Yet, I have still had to redefine what the Christmas spirit means to me. I happily flip the channels in the car from Christmas song to Christmas song, I hum along with them in the grocery store. The feeling is very different from the days back in Utah though. My Christmas spirit will always be a little sad and longing. I can't feel the Christmas spirit without missing people I love that are far away. This will be the third Christmas we celebrate without our families and friends back home. Knowing what we are missing is the hardest part of all, knowing that they go on and do what they always do, even though we aren't there. They may not have us, but they have each other. This is the feeling I have come to understand is a part of my Christmas spirit for now, it isn't angry or jealous, it is just there. I am glad it is there though, glad I have so many people to love and miss, who love and miss me. I never felt sad before when Christmas time came around. That will just be a part of what Christmas means to me as long as we live this Coast Guard life, and that is ok, I would rather feel Christmas inside than feel nothing, even if it means I will be sad.

Sunday, December 16

Hatch Look-alike Meter

My cousin Kateka did this same thing. But because her and her husband have no children, she did it to see if it said her husband looks more like her or her husbands sister. Hers came out with the same results. So I did it because I do have children and everyone always says how much Claralynne looks like me...well she looks like Nate too!

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Pedigree

Then I did me and my Mom and Dad.

MyHeritage: family/'>http://www.myheritage.com">Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

No Surprise there!


Then Nate and his Mom and Dad.

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

That was fun!

Thursday, December 13

"I just can't watch this!"

I'm having a hard time thinking of things to write about! We are all sick round here. What goes around the Coast Guard station, comes around here. It has for the last 3 years and I imagine it will continue to as long as Nate is working in a place with a bunch of guys living together 75% of the time. Those odds are worse than an elementary school I imagine. So every year when the stuff starts going around we usually get it. Claralynne had a fever all day. I have been a Mom for a little more than a year, yet I still must call my super duper nurse Mom when put in these situations, so she can tell me what to do. I didn't really know what would be the best medicine to give her. (I have a slew, one of the habits that comes from having nurse parents) I gave her Motrin in the end, which seemed to keep her comfortable. You could tell she was hurting, she was really snuggley, needing a lot of luvs, and laying her head down on our shoulders, which is something she doesn't usually do. It is so hard to watch your kids be sick, I nearly cried about 10 times today. Granted I am pregnant.

Crying on behalf of my sick child, reminds me of a home video my Mom can't watch. My little sister is about...I don't know...2 maybe, we got a new hamster for Christmas, and Heather is a little less than ginger while trying to give it luvs. Right before it happens on the video, as my my Mom watches you can see her gearing up for it, when my sisters lets out her sad little bitten cry, my Mom turns her head, her eyes welling up "Ohhh, I just can't watch this!". It happens every time! She is probably welling up just being reminded of the sad event while reading this. I never understood her until now, it is worse than getting hurt personally. I would rather stab myself in the leg than watch my baby hurt. You always blame yourself, no matter what happens, or how out of your hands it is, you always blame yourself. I am certain today my Mom can't watch the clip because she still feels guilty, like she could have prevented poor sis from rodent rage, which of course is just silly. Even still, I continue to feel like...well if I had just locked my poor helpless baby in the closet for the entire cold and flu season I could have spared her from stuffy fevered pain.

Saturday, December 8

New York, New York!!!

I have dreamed of visiting New York for as long as I can remember. At one point, shortly after high school, I wanted to live there and go to Julliard, study opera. Then I got married and had babies which is a wonderful substitution. I would still love to fulfill that dream but for now just going was a super accomplishment in the book of Me.Here we are walking around on Broadway. This is what was sad about my trip. Seeing a "Broadway" show has been a large dream as well. As we walked down Broadway and the "Les Miserables" billboard shined brightly, my crazed inner audience member did a little dance in my heart. Unfortunately right before I arrived, the Union Stage Hands went on strike, demanding to be put on salary. This shut down every show on Broadway. In this picture I had just gotten finished glaring at the picketers, wishing I could yell "GET BACK TO WORK YOU BIG BABIES". It worked...the day before I left, the strike ended and I found out during my homeward bound layover in Detroit. *sniff* This is a large tragedy for me, and I am determined to go back.

I did however see some neat sights, eat New York food, and nearly get mowed down by insane New York taxi drivers. The experience was in a word, overwhelming, Manhattan is overwhelming. I snapped this neat picture of The Rockefeller Center.


And this one of the Brooklyn Bridge.


I was not very good at getting pictures, my friends got more, and I need to have them emailed to me.

I spent most of my time in a little apartment in Connecticut, snuggling my brand new God Daughter and watching football.We drove around the Yale area and there are houses there send chills down your spine, they are so beautiful. All in all it was a fun trip and I am anxious to go back some day.

My pregnancy is going well, I am 3 and a half months along. I caved and put maternity pants on two days ago, and the comfort was unbelievable. I am poking out a fair bit and feeling the miniature tike move a little. I am due May 31, and we find out what the sex is in about a month! Pray pray pray for a BOY!



Wednesday, November 14

Tag

I was tagged by Kateka!The rules of the game should be posted at the beginning of the post. Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Okay here are 6 interesting facts/habits about Aubrey!

1. I am not certain I want long hair. Although I have ventured into the realm of being afraid to cut my hair, and have nightmares that I have made the terrible mistake of cutting it. I am still attracted to short hair cuts, in many ways. I love the ease of short hair. I don't really like to brush my long hair, tangles are a very new concept and I wish they didn't exist. I find myself wearing it in ponytails, wondering what I have long hair for since I am painfully aware short hairstyles are my signature and are to date, the best look for me.

2. I am a nose picker. I am aware it is offensive and tissue is readily available in more than half the rooms in any give house hold. I have found that blowing doesn't always do the trick. I don't like hard boogers poking the inside of my nose and since childhood my instinct has been to get out the painful offenders as quickly as possible. It is a habit I would so love to be rid of as I am certain I will pass it on. The last thing I want is a little mini me Clara digging for gold in some nice restaurant, when I know everyone knows it is my fault. I am at a lack for a suitable substitution though. I was able to discontinue nail biting when I discovered how convenient clippers are, they are just as effective at getting rid of nails if you always have a pair on hand. I just haven't heard of anything that will pick your nose for you yet.

3. "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot, is my favorite poem ever. My senior year, in Advanced English, Mrs. Roach read it aloud to the class. I remember it like it was yesterday. She wanted us to analyze it as she read, try and make out the meaning. Naturally no one could. I was as confused as everyone when she was finished. Then she took us through it line by line, and it was like seeing the picture in those illusion books for the first time. All the lines took on meaning, I fell in love with the entire poem and a few lines in particular.

"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."

"I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
and in short, I was afraid."

"I grow old. . . I grow old. . .
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled."

I fell in love with the timing, the story and the way it unfolded. I fell in love with Prufrock and his overwhelming self consciousness. His deep feelings of inferiority. The poem lead my to many other poems by Eliot, gave me a great respect for him, and also a deep love for poetry.

4. I miss being surrounded by mountains. As we drove away, I assured Nathan he would never miss the mountains once we got to the ocean. We lived within a mile of the ocean for two years. It only took me 8 months after we drove away to realized how wrong I was, when the sight of the mountains that make up the Salt Lake Valley brought me to tears. Now I know that oceans, enormous lakes, famous bridges, or national forests, do not take the love of the mountains out of you.

5. I still love the Backstreet Boys. Back in the Backstreet glory days, my best friend was my neighbor and mother of two Alisa (said A-lee-sa). She was 25, I was 15. I babysat for her, you could say she was like an older sister. We would obsess for hours watching Carson Daily announce the top ten, on MTV's Total Request Live. Hoping and praying our beloved "Boys" made the top spot. I saw them in concert with her, when I was in 10th grade. I was so in love with Nick. I wore cloud print pajama pants for some reason and worshiped him standing atop my chair with tears in my eyes. Every teen has a hot celebrity pop star crush and he was mine. I put their CD in the other day, and thought of Lise. Maybe she is why I love them still. It reminds me of a time of joy, and fun with my the surrogate older sister. I texted her and told her how much I missed her and she told me about their new song, that she loves and I now love, so I still love the Backstreet Boys!

6. We will name him James Blake Hatch. We are hoping hoping hoping, for a boy. James is a very important name. It is both Nathan's and my Grandpa's name, so we will be naming him for two different people. Plus I was named after a song, I love the song "Sweet Baby James" By James Taylor, and I secretly hold him as a name sake as well, because I love him so much and so does my Dad. I feel it is very important to name your children something that has meaning to you. We named Claralynne after Nathan's Grandma, and gave her my Mother's first name, Jae, as Clara's middle name. Blake is my Father's and brother's middle name. So, like Claralynne, he will have a lot of meaning in his name.
I don't know what we will name it if it is a girl.

I don't have a lot of blog readers, so I will tag two of the three people I know do read it, my Mom and Mitzi. Kateka would have been three but she tagged me!

Tuesday, November 13

Random

I would be very happy if Cloche hats were fashionable again. I would not be content without my laptop or movie collection. I wish life were smaller, and could be reached on foot. My closet door is never closed and usually has a towel hanging off it. I could kiss Nathan all day. Midwifery has changed me. Motherhood has made me. I am not a cleaner. I don't just sing in the shower. I prefer a t-shirt and jeans, with no make-up on. I love the way my hair looks when I have done it. I hate to do my hair. I want more pictures on my walls. Family is not a word I limit, nor is friend. I am a few marbles short, and a lot uptight. I cry more when pregnant, I puke less. I need no best friend, I have a Mom. Guitar is the best instrument. I don't watch football. I like my dog less than usual. I don't have to share chocolate covered cherries with Nathan. I don't like to nap. I love to sleep, I am going to try and go back now.

Friday, November 9

Smelling of pregnancy and wanting too drink egg nog.

I am a hygienic person. During pregnancy being so gets more challenging.

I don't know why my underarms refuse to stay fresh smelling. I bathe, I use soap, I deodorize with antiperspirant and deodorant. Why then, do I smell funky within only a few hours after taking a bath? I know I am not the only one to have difficulty with stinky pits. My Mom says she had it, Clo called me up to ask if it was normal. I still have to ask why though? I could go without it, and I just started to get over it really. I just started to smell normal from my last baby. This may not be what you wanted to read about, I am sure I would not want to read about it, but it perplexes me, and I wanted to put it out there.

There is a very small grocer here, while I was in there a few days ago I saw egg nog! Sadly it was alcoholic, but it reminded me egg nog will start to show up! I have been waiting for it to come to the store here, but to no such luck. To my surprise yesterday and one of my bi-monthly trips to Wal-Mart I found it! Wooo! I can't really drink it, but I can taste it. I have also given up cereal, ice cream, cream cheese and 2% milk. If I do more than taste I pay, dearly. I pay even more while pregnant, with my insides getting squished. I still want a taste though, I wish I could drink the whole carton. I will be lactose intolerant forever. I know it will get progressively worse and become more aggressive, my Dad doesn't even take tastes anymore. It is only a matter of time before I join him.

Tuesday, November 6

Godmother

My good friend Cloie had a baby girl a few days ago. She named her Sophie. She asked me to be her Godmother! I have rarely felt so honored. It is like getting more family members over night.

I go to see them next week, in Connecticut. I had hoped and planned on being there for her birth, but she decided to come early. Clo will be needing a fair bit of help, she had an emergency cesarean. I have seen a picture of the angel baby, and she is round. Clo is still in the hospial, she gets out tomorrow.

What a neat thing.

Monday, November 5

Professional Eater

I learned a difficult but valuable lesson during the first trimester of my pregnancy with Claralynne. You must eat. Eating is essential to not puking or feeling sick, eat and eat frequently. With Clara I wasn't great at that, I usually ate three regular size meals a day, instead of the recommended 6 small meals. This time around I have done better. So I am not nearly as sick this time, I am just sick and tired of eating. Eating several small meals a day, generally translates into this: eating is now your job, you will have 2 scheduled 15 minute breaks and 1 half our lunch break, in which I mean you will break for a half an hour once a day from your perpetual lunch. If you take longer than your allotted 15 minute break you will do extra work throughout your day to catch up on lost eating; thus feeling more queasy throughout the rest of your day, than if you had followed break rules. We run a tight schedule round here and we can't have any dilly dallying.

This kid is less than one one hundredth my size and he is among the very most stringent bosses I have had to date, falling directly behind his big sister. She runs house.

Friday, November 2

Lettin' the bumb breathe

Since Clara was born I have been a firm believer that bums should be given the opportunity to be free of the diaper and catch some fresh air on occasion. When she was new I would rap her up in a receiving blanket, a sort of makeshift cloth diaper, and I would hold her for a little while to give her bum some air. When she started to crawl I could no longer keep the makeshift cloth diaper on, so she went in the buff. I have continued that method since she has learned to walk. Yesterday I decided would be a bum breather day, and I let her run around for a few minutes. She has peed on the carpet before, so naturally I have some reservations when she is running around in the raw, so I let Nate know he was responsible to clean up because I was cooking. Thankfully when she peed it was on the linoleum.

When she peed the first time, I was babysitting my neighbor's two year old daughter, she noticed first and started to point and say "uuk uuk" it was HILARIOUS. I am not super uptight about stuff like that and find it pretty funny usually. When she peed this time it was no less funny. I feel pretty good she has only peed on the floor a handful of times in her life. I have known a few kids who figure out early how to take their diapers off and cleaning up after them becomes a daily routine. If I were in that situation I probably wouldn't find it so funny anymore. But for now I will continue to send her out to run free, and clean up any puddles she leaves behind, with a chuckle. I like to see her naked bum and give it a pinch as it wiggles to her next adventure.

Thursday, November 1

Vindictive

I wrote a very dear friend to tell her my baby news, and got a terrible reply. She was happy for me and can't believe it, all the normal reactions and congratulations. Then she tells me her husband had slept with someone else and wants to go and start a life with her. So they are getting a divorce. The two had only been married five months. I attended their wedding. It makes me so want to hurt this man, this BOY. She is the loveliest of people, truest of friends and kindest of spirits. Why do things like this happen? Why do they happen to the undeserving? Some people in life have it coming, they reap what they sow, but she isn't one of them, this cheater should be the one suffering, he is the douche. It makes no sense. I wish I could run into him at the store or something, with this new bimbo on his arm. I would slap him to kingdom come, I have slapped men on behalf of friends before, I would do it again. I would slap him so hard his tramp girlfriend would feel it. I would like to say I am not vengeful, but it is times like these your true colors come out, I am feeling pretty vindictive. God help him if I ever find him around the corner.

Monday, October 29

Fluffs

Many many months ago, Nathan and I would fall asleep to gentle soothing sounds of a our newborns cries and screams. I would nurse her, place her in the crib next to me, and let the lovely aria begin. It usually didn't last very long under 20 minutes then she would conk out. We did this because that is what the Internet said to do. I always trust the Internet. It said letting her scream would teach her to self sooth. We received the payoff when she was around 6 months old. I was able to lay her down and she would just go to sleep. It was circumstantial however, she required her fluffy strawberry shortcake blanket and, butterfly binky, this remains the requirement today. I give her the butterfly binky and fluffy blanket, lay her down and walk out of the room. It is heaven.

A few months ago I made an observation of her self soothing routine. She picks at her blanket until she has enough of the fluffy blanket fibers to roll into a ball and create what we have come to call a "fluff". Once the fluff is created, she rubs it under her nose until she looses it, then she creates another, over and over until she falls asleep. The result of all this is the ring of fluffs surrounding her crib, they come off her onto you, they wind up in our bed, we pick them out of her nose, they are very prize possessions. Fluffs gone astray, are usually reclaimed and devoured, or she will gift them to you but promptly require it back, so she may devour it. If there is something in her mouth, it is often a fluff, and we will ask that she "give it up" (I say that more times in a day than I can count). Although she seems to understand, fluffs must be swallowed to eat or drink something else, or if it is to large it must be surrendered. Fluffs are her soothing way to get to sleep but more than that, to her they are blissful hard earned products of a good nights sleep.

Thursday, October 18

Is Kateka right? Mind Over Matter?

I wonder. I am now aware that my nausea is a result of pregnancy, not birth control, has that knowledge made me succumb to vomiting? Before I knew I was pregnant, if I had a strong urge to throw up, I would not allow it. Somehow I felt, if I throw up I am admitting the striking similarity between this and morning sickness. If I admitted that I would have to accept the possibility I was pregnant, and that wasn't something I was willing to do. Now I know I am pregnant, yesterday I got even more hard evidence, ultrasound evidence. Now today I throw up for the first time. Is this coincidence?

I have a good hold on the idea that, if I don't eat I feel worse, today I did not eat soon enough, I payed for it. It goes against every sense of reason I posses to eat when I feel sick, when I have the flu eating it is the last thing I want to do. With morning sickness, I say to myself, "I feel like puking, I better go eat something". What's even better, when I was pregnant with Clara, I could puke, then go lay down. Today I was puking while my child was screaming and tugging on my pants, when I was done I continued making her pancakes. A while back I had the thought, I could never be pregnant right now, I would never survive morning sickness while Clara is still so little. Here I have been doing it for over two weeks, that is a big surprise. They say every pregnancy is different. I had no idea how different it would be.

Wednesday, October 17

Peanut Shaped Baby




So the baby said..."Ready or not here I come!!"

Monday, October 15

Happily blaming a named innocent

It is interesting that this blog falls directly after my Depo-Provera bashing blog, that so easily and happily blamed all the nausea, fatigue, and moodiness on the named injection. The next time I receive the shot, I probably wont experience any of those symptoms at all, because hopefully I wont be pregnant the next time I get the injection, in approximately 7 months. For the time being I am sure that while the Depo-Provera is as unfailing as it claims, working 99% of the time, I am sure even the best most efficient forms of birth control cannot prevent a pregnancy that is already well in effect. Yes, they did give me a pregnancy test, the timing, I feel was still to early to detect the pregnancy hormone HcG, and so I was given the shot within minutes after receiving my false negative. The timing had to be so acute that given one extra day, I probably would have tested positive, and one less day and it probably would have prevented the baby from implanting, as is the way of Depo-Provera. This was no were even close to being in the plan for at least two more years, my friend Alisa said it very well though "it was Gods plan!". If I have ever known anyone to be determined to the extreme in achieving a task, they are nothing in comparison to my dear lord above in this experience. God was determined to bring this baby here, right now, regardless of what Nate and I thought, wanted, believed, or tried.

And so I hereby pronounce Depo-Provera, innocent on all charges, excluding loss of libido, for which my fourth to fifth month of pregnancy will certainly take care of. I hereby pronounce said unborn child guilty to 25 counts of moodiness, 15 counts of fatigue, and innumerable counts of nausea. You will serve the remainder of your sentence in the solitary confinement in which you presently reside for approximately the next 7 months.

CASE CLOSED

Friday, October 12

Depo Provera

I got the depo-provera injection a few weeks ago. Ugh, what a mistake. I feel like I have morning sickness again. Except this time I don't have a sweet little baby to look forward to. In fact quite the opposite. Not that I want another baby. I don't. I would just love to feel normal. It isn't just nausea either. I feel completely drained all the time. My house is a disaster. I am not a huge fan of cleaning but I get things done, nothing ever gets this bad for this long. Normally I love to cook, I can't even get myself to do that. I feel bad for my baby, I'm just no fun anymore. I don't know what to do to fix it. I will never get this shot again.

Sunday, October 7

Weekend Stress

My Mom's dog died. He was missing for quite a few days, and yesterday they found him. He had been hit by a car. He was my dog for a long time too, from my sophomore year in high school until I got married. He was a really great dog. I am sad he is gone but I am more sad for my Mom, she is so broken up about it.

Also yesterday, my Dad gives me a call and says "take a look at all your toys there has been a big recall" A lot of toys made in China high levels of lead. All Clara's toys are from China. Some of the signs of lead poisoning are things I have been worrying about with Clara. They say it will stunt their growth, give them behavioral issues and a bunch of other things. So now I am stressed about that. Plus I think my friend my have gone back home, I called her and her Mom answered. So it's been a crappy few days. Hope everyone else has a good weekend.

Thursday, October 4

Scarecrows

Wooden scarecrows all over my neighborhood, wearing overalls, smiling painted smiles, with white painted eyes that twinkle. They make me think of you, and the scarecrows you painted that hungout in the basement by the television for so long. Fall and Halloween make me miss you, like Christmas makes most everyone else miss their Mothers.

Wednesday, October 3

Leaves, hats, and black water.

When we arrived here, the lake was a deep blue. Lately, when I look down the street, it has changed. The ferry's have stopped going back and forth, so the water is still. The color has changed too, maybe the cold, maybe just being still, something has made it black. Next year I will look for the change in water as a sign fall has crept in. I love that we get to see the change of season, all the leaves turning red and yellow, then falling all over the ground. Clara and I went out to play in them, and swing in the tree.














Friday, September 28

Colds in a New Bed.

I hate colds. The neighbors where out of commission for over a week when they had them. They were our sole birthday party guests, I guess we must have caught it then. Nate has been hacking for days. But the baby is what really breaks my heart. She is just as bad or worse than Nate. She is such a happy soul, she runs around and laughs all day with a drippy nose, even though you know she feels icky. She can't breath very well, so she just holds her breath as long as she can while she is nursing, when she can't hold it anymore she lets out a loud gasp for air before going right back to do it all over again. She hates getting her nose wiped but has it done so much now, she has just stopped fighting. I have a bit of a sore throat and a runny nose too, but I am good about taking Echinacea and Vitamin C. I have been giving it to Clara but I don't know if it helps her. I can feel when I need to take some, getting Nate to take it is a joke. Getting him to take anything is a joke! Are all men like that? Having sick babies and coughing husbands sure make sleeping fun!

Speaking of sleeping.

For as long as I can remember my parents had this gorgeous 4 piece bedroom set. It's four post bed looks amazing teamed with the mirrored chest of drawers. Eventually they got new beds because the were crowded on the queen, and I acquired the four post a little while later. When Nate and I got married they gave us the whole set. The trouble with it was, the mattress on the bed is as old or older than I am. Mattress manufactures tell you to replace your mattress every seven to eight years. You know how it is when you first get married...no mula. So we have slept on this squeaky unbearably uncomfortable bed for 3 years. We made adjustments to the mattress, like buying a tempurpedic topper, putting that under a down comforter under a pillowed mattress cover. It made it tolerable, but it still squeaked loud enough to be heard in the next room if you sneezed. A queen isn't nearly enough space for us either, but you can't put a king in the four post frame. I love it and the set so much I haven't wanted to get rid of it, but I have this pain in my arm all the time, I know it is because of the crappy bed. We decided to get a King anyways and just hang onto the other bed for a spare (happy sleeping house guests...that'll get rid of em'!). It was delivered yesterday, and our first night on it was so nice. What a difference a good mattress makes! Spending a third of your life in bed would seemingly make a good mattress high priority, but we have bought a table, a recliner, computer chairs, and only now got a new bed? Doesn't make any sense to me! I tossed and turned all night even still, but I think it was from bad habit. My built in "turn over your uncomfortable" alarm goes off every hour and a half or so, despite the fact all night I was never really uncomfortable. I am sure it will stop once I am used to being comfortable while I sleep. What a concept!

Wednesday, September 26

Green Gables

I have been watching "Anne of Green Gables" and "Anne of Avonlea" a lot lately. My family would watch "Anne of Green Gables" every year at Christmas time on PBS. It drove me nuts every 20-30 minutes when they would cut to that "donate $50.00 and receive this pristine Anne doll...". I remember when my parents finally got it on VHS, I was SO glad to have it. Then just after Nathan and I got married I bought it on DVD, I was so proud to have acquired it before my parents. I don't know what it is about it even to this day. Maybe you develop a sort of attachment to movies that you and your family watched regularly as you grew up. My parents always told me how much I reminded them of Anne, her drama, her whimsical ways. I have always secretly loved that. She is probably my favorite character of all time.

I have such a love of reading, and have thought on reading the series many times. I shy away because I know the books are always better than the movie. I don't want my love of the movies to change. I love the Harry Potter series and I love the movies, but I harbor disappointments in the movies. It isn't just that I read the series first either. I had seen "Jurassic Park" many times before I read it, and disappointment in the movies still crept in. Even with this knowledge, whenever I'm in the library and I see that Lucy Maud Montgomery in bold, curiosity tugs at my sleeve.

Saturday, September 22

Nail Polish

When Claralynne was due, my parents were in town for her birth. I was on a bit of a deadline to perform, as they were only in town for two weeks. We tried everything to get me into labor, I did squats daily, took Castor oil....twice (I don't recommend it). We walked up and down the streets of my neighborhood and the isles of my local Wal-mart. NOTHING worked. Lightheartedly, my Mom decided she needed some convincing. Don't ask how we decided painting my toenails pink was the answer. We just figured it would convince her to come out. Claralynne came the next day. Today I painted both our fingers and toes with the very polish I used then. She looks so adorable, I told her it was her initiation to girlhood.


Saturday, September 15

Clearing it up.

Many people have been writing me worried if Claralynne is alright. I'm sorry I wasn't more clear about that. I wrote the blog shortly after we returned from the ER. In the past writing things down has been therapeutic and I was in desperate need of some peace of mind. I figured writing it down would help me sort it out, let people know what happened, and maybe serve as a warning to many of my friends with small children. Claralynne was peachy keen just a few moments after the ambulance arrived. However if I had been alone, things surely would not have turned out so well. I was a lifeguard for three years. Yet in such desperation I could not, for the life of me, recall any of my infant resuscitation training. All I could think to do was swat her on the back while she stood there gasping. Thank heavens Nate knew to face her down wards and hit her between the shoulder blades. So for you Mom's out there I know now from personal experience that babies do indeed choke, and you can be the best Mom in the world, it wont help you save your child. I printed out a page with the instructions for infant resuscitation on it and stuck it to my fridge. I would urge all of you to do the same, especially if you are like me and tend to panic. I pray that this never happens to me or anyone again, but there are no guarantees, and you can never be too prepared. Thank you all for being so wonderful. Be safe.

Wednesday, September 12

I don't know what to title this. Fear maybe, raw fear.

Sitting down in the living room to "You've got Mail" and Hamburger Helper.
We hear a Wheez, coming from the kitched.
Gasping.
Wet wheezing.
Nate and I exchange unsure looks.
I go to see.
Baby is running out of the kitchen.
She falls choking and gaging.
I pull her up and smack her on the back a few times.
Scream for Nate.
She can't breathe.
He picks her up and faces her down.
Pounds her back, wet wheezing.
Face red.
Lips blue.
Panic.
"SHOULD I CALL 911"?
Trying to be calm he says "yes"
I panic to the phone and dial.
She's inhaling and can't exhale.
More wheezing, drool.
"CALL 911"! he yells, voice cracking.
"...at is yo...emerg-"?
"MY BABY IS CHOKING"!
....is she...hoking on?
"SHE CAN'T BREATHE"!
"... old is she"?
"...1"
"what...ur...addre..."
"...2...8...0...K-E-I...G-H...T-......"!!
"SHE'S BREATHING"!
"IS SHE BREATHING, IS SHE OK"?
"Mam...lease stay on the phone...EMS will...in a few minutes"
"SHE'S BREATHING"!
"Mam stay on the phone with me, EMS will be there...."

I can't get it out of my head. it just plays over and over, all I can hear is her gasping and choking. All I can see is her running out of the kitchen, desperate, looking for her Mommy to help her. I can't fight tears, I haven't stopped feeling like crying yet.

When the ambulance arrived they checked her up and down, listened to her lungs. Nothing came out when Nate did the Heimlich and got her breathing again. I dropped a piece of ice that broke a few minutes before she started choking, I thought maybe she got a hold of a piece off the floor. EMS said we should take her to Emergency and get ex rays of her lungs for any foreign bodies, also to see if anything was broken when Nate performed the Heimlich. He pounded her back pretty hard. The ex rays came out normal. She's asleep now. I hope Nathan and I will be able to.

What reminds me of you.

Everything beautiful, good and pink reminds me of my daughter
Rain reminds me of Nate
Hair straightners remind me of Heather
Drums remind me of Whitney
Nurses and a good jog remind me of my Mom
Guitars remind me of my Dad
Fire reminds me of Arthur
Divers remind me of Mary
Blogging reminds me of Makayla
Being bold reminds me of Jeremy
Jack Daniels reminds me of Cloie
Cameras remind me of Kira
Angels remind me of Destin
Backstreet boys Remind me of Lisa
Long hair reminds me of Megan and Kateka
Yoga reminds me of Terence
Riunite reminds me of Bridegette
Being strong reminds me of Emily
Nail Polish reminds me of Melissa
Cats remind me of Diane
Soccer reminds me of Megan
Nelly Furtado reminds me of Trisha

At least a stinky fart doesn't remind me of you ;o)

Wednesday, September 5

Opposable Thumbs





















God gave us thumbs for a reason. They make us superior to others species. When you have no thumbs, you may as well be a fish or a pig. I feel quite aggravated not being able to do anything. Thank goodness my right thumb is finally starting to stop hurting, otherwise I wouldn't be able to do anything. It's only been three months since I smashed it, that's not long at all..... The whole thing is a damn pain in the thumbs.
At least she is beautiful.

Tuesday, September 4

The Countdown Continues


Rainy Day


I have no more working thumbs. I cut the thumb that wasn't smashed, while I was cutting an onion. The cut is very nearly to the bone. I am getting quite tired of being so clumsy. At least it was a pretty day.

Wednesday, January 10

Nothing new but the year.

I didn't make any New Years resolutions. My goals are the same goals I have if it is January or May. I want to excersize, I have weight to loose, the only difference is, now it is baby weight on top of lazy weight. I have a terrible temper that needs serious maintanence. I want to eat better, but eating bad feels so good. I now have new things in my life that have created new goals, but she didn't come with the new year she came in September, and I know spend every day with a new resolution to be a better Mother than I was the day before. I am going to try and stay on top of cleaning, I really don't mind cleaning in small amounts, maintaining a clean home is fine. What isn't fine is when the house has fallen into the 7th circle of Hell as far as cleaning is concerned and I have to spend the rest of the year getting it back up to par. So I have some work to do, but it's nothing new.