Friday, December 28
Friday, December 21
Wednesday, December 19
Sunday, December 16
Then I did me and my Mom and Dad.
No Surprise there!
Then Nate and his Mom and Dad.
Thursday, December 13
Crying on behalf of my sick child, reminds me of a home video my Mom can't watch. My little sister is about...I don't know...2 maybe, we got a new hamster for Christmas, and Heather is a little less than ginger while trying to give it luvs. Right before it happens on the video, as my my Mom watches you can see her gearing up for it, when my sisters lets out her sad little bitten cry, my Mom turns her head, her eyes welling up "Ohhh, I just can't watch this!". It happens every time! She is probably welling up just being reminded of the sad event while reading this. I never understood her until now, it is worse than getting hurt personally. I would rather stab myself in the leg than watch my baby hurt. You always blame yourself, no matter what happens, or how out of your hands it is, you always blame yourself. I am certain today my Mom can't watch the clip because she still feels guilty, like she could have prevented poor sis from rodent rage, which of course is just silly. Even still, I continue to feel like...well if I had just locked my poor helpless baby in the closet for the entire cold and flu season I could have spared her from stuffy fevered pain.
Saturday, December 8
I did however see some neat sights, eat New York food, and nearly get mowed down by insane New York taxi drivers. The experience was in a word, overwhelming, Manhattan is overwhelming. I snapped this neat picture of The Rockefeller Center.
And this one of the Brooklyn Bridge.
I was not very good at getting pictures, my friends got more, and I need to have them emailed to me.
I spent most of my time in a little apartment in Connecticut, snuggling my brand new God Daughter and watching football.We drove around the Yale area and there are houses there send chills down your spine, they are so beautiful. All in all it was a fun trip and I am anxious to go back some day.
My pregnancy is going well, I am 3 and a half months along. I caved and put maternity pants on two days ago, and the comfort was unbelievable. I am poking out a fair bit and feeling the miniature tike move a little. I am due May 31, and we find out what the sex is in about a month! Pray pray pray for a BOY!
Wednesday, November 14
1. I am not certain I want long hair. Although I have ventured into the realm of being afraid to cut my hair, and have nightmares that I have made the terrible mistake of cutting it. I am still attracted to short hair cuts, in many ways. I love the ease of short hair. I don't really like to brush my long hair, tangles are a very new concept and I wish they didn't exist. I find myself wearing it in ponytails, wondering what I have long hair for since I am painfully aware short hairstyles are my signature and are to date, the best look for me.
2. I am a nose picker. I am aware it is offensive and tissue is readily available in more than half the rooms in any give house hold. I have found that blowing doesn't always do the trick. I don't like hard boogers poking the inside of my nose and since childhood my instinct has been to get out the painful offenders as quickly as possible. It is a habit I would so love to be rid of as I am certain I will pass it on. The last thing I want is a little mini me Clara digging for gold in some nice restaurant, when I know everyone knows it is my fault. I am at a lack for a suitable substitution though. I was able to discontinue nail biting when I discovered how convenient clippers are, they are just as effective at getting rid of nails if you always have a pair on hand. I just haven't heard of anything that will pick your nose for you yet.
3. "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" by T.S. Eliot, is my favorite poem ever. My senior year, in Advanced English, Mrs. Roach read it aloud to the class. I remember it like it was yesterday. She wanted us to analyze it as she read, try and make out the meaning. Naturally no one could. I was as confused as everyone when she was finished. Then she took us through it line by line, and it was like seeing the picture in those illusion books for the first time. All the lines took on meaning, I fell in love with the entire poem and a few lines in particular.
"I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."
"I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
and in short, I was afraid."
"I grow old. . . I grow old. . .
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled."
I fell in love with the timing, the story and the way it unfolded. I fell in love with Prufrock and his overwhelming self consciousness. His deep feelings of inferiority. The poem lead my to many other poems by Eliot, gave me a great respect for him, and also a deep love for poetry.
4. I miss being surrounded by mountains. As we drove away, I assured Nathan he would never miss the mountains once we got to the ocean. We lived within a mile of the ocean for two years. It only took me 8 months after we drove away to realized how wrong I was, when the sight of the mountains that make up the Salt Lake Valley brought me to tears. Now I know that oceans, enormous lakes, famous bridges, or national forests, do not take the love of the mountains out of you.
5. I still love the Backstreet Boys. Back in the Backstreet glory days, my best friend was my neighbor and mother of two Alisa (said A-lee-sa). She was 25, I was 15. I babysat for her, you could say she was like an older sister. We would obsess for hours watching Carson Daily announce the top ten, on MTV's Total Request Live. Hoping and praying our beloved "Boys" made the top spot. I saw them in concert with her, when I was in 10th grade. I was so in love with Nick. I wore cloud print pajama pants for some reason and worshiped him standing atop my chair with tears in my eyes. Every teen has a hot celebrity pop star crush and he was mine. I put their CD in the other day, and thought of Lise. Maybe she is why I love them still. It reminds me of a time of joy, and fun with my the surrogate older sister. I texted her and told her how much I missed her and she told me about their new song, that she loves and I now love, so I still love the Backstreet Boys!
6. We will name him James Blake Hatch. We are hoping hoping hoping, for a boy. James is a very important name. It is both Nathan's and my Grandpa's name, so we will be naming him for two different people. Plus I was named after a song, I love the song "Sweet Baby James" By James Taylor, and I secretly hold him as a name sake as well, because I love him so much and so does my Dad. I feel it is very important to name your children something that has meaning to you. We named Claralynne after Nathan's Grandma, and gave her my Mother's first name, Jae, as Clara's middle name. Blake is my Father's and brother's middle name. So, like Claralynne, he will have a lot of meaning in his name.
I don't know what we will name it if it is a girl.
I don't have a lot of blog readers, so I will tag two of the three people I know do read it, my Mom and Mitzi. Kateka would have been three but she tagged me!
Tuesday, November 13
Friday, November 9
I don't know why my underarms refuse to stay fresh smelling. I bathe, I use soap, I deodorize with antiperspirant and deodorant. Why then, do I smell funky within only a few hours after taking a bath? I know I am not the only one to have difficulty with stinky pits. My Mom says she had it, Clo called me up to ask if it was normal. I still have to ask why though? I could go without it, and I just started to get over it really. I just started to smell normal from my last baby. This may not be what you wanted to read about, I am sure I would not want to read about it, but it perplexes me, and I wanted to put it out there.
There is a very small grocer here, while I was in there a few days ago I saw egg nog! Sadly it was alcoholic, but it reminded me egg nog will start to show up! I have been waiting for it to come to the store here, but to no such luck. To my surprise yesterday and one of my bi-monthly trips to Wal-Mart I found it! Wooo! I can't really drink it, but I can taste it. I have also given up cereal, ice cream, cream cheese and 2% milk. If I do more than taste I pay, dearly. I pay even more while pregnant, with my insides getting squished. I still want a taste though, I wish I could drink the whole carton. I will be lactose intolerant forever. I know it will get progressively worse and become more aggressive, my Dad doesn't even take tastes anymore. It is only a matter of time before I join him.
Tuesday, November 6
I go to see them next week, in Connecticut. I had hoped and planned on being there for her birth, but she decided to come early. Clo will be needing a fair bit of help, she had an emergency cesarean. I have seen a picture of the angel baby, and she is round. Clo is still in the hospial, she gets out tomorrow.
What a neat thing.
Monday, November 5
This kid is less than one one hundredth my size and he is among the very most stringent bosses I have had to date, falling directly behind his big sister. She runs house.
Friday, November 2
When she peed the first time, I was babysitting my neighbor's two year old daughter, she noticed first and started to point and say "uuk uuk" it was HILARIOUS. I am not super uptight about stuff like that and find it pretty funny usually. When she peed this time it was no less funny. I feel pretty good she has only peed on the floor a handful of times in her life. I have known a few kids who figure out early how to take their diapers off and cleaning up after them becomes a daily routine. If I were in that situation I probably wouldn't find it so funny anymore. But for now I will continue to send her out to run free, and clean up any puddles she leaves behind, with a chuckle. I like to see her naked bum and give it a pinch as it wiggles to her next adventure.
Thursday, November 1
Monday, October 29
A few months ago I made an observation of her self soothing routine. She picks at her blanket until she has enough of the fluffy blanket fibers to roll into a ball and create what we have come to call a "fluff". Once the fluff is created, she rubs it under her nose until she looses it, then she creates another, over and over until she falls asleep. The result of all this is the ring of fluffs surrounding her crib, they come off her onto you, they wind up in our bed, we pick them out of her nose, they are very prize possessions. Fluffs gone astray, are usually reclaimed and devoured, or she will gift them to you but promptly require it back, so she may devour it. If there is something in her mouth, it is often a fluff, and we will ask that she "give it up" (I say that more times in a day than I can count). Although she seems to understand, fluffs must be swallowed to eat or drink something else, or if it is to large it must be surrendered. Fluffs are her soothing way to get to sleep but more than that, to her they are blissful hard earned products of a good nights sleep.
Thursday, October 18
I have a good hold on the idea that, if I don't eat I feel worse, today I did not eat soon enough, I payed for it. It goes against every sense of reason I posses to eat when I feel sick, when I have the flu eating it is the last thing I want to do. With morning sickness, I say to myself, "I feel like puking, I better go eat something". What's even better, when I was pregnant with Clara, I could puke, then go lay down. Today I was puking while my child was screaming and tugging on my pants, when I was done I continued making her pancakes. A while back I had the thought, I could never be pregnant right now, I would never survive morning sickness while Clara is still so little. Here I have been doing it for over two weeks, that is a big surprise. They say every pregnancy is different. I had no idea how different it would be.
Wednesday, October 17
Monday, October 15
And so I hereby pronounce Depo-Provera, innocent on all charges, excluding loss of libido, for which my fourth to fifth month of pregnancy will certainly take care of. I hereby pronounce said unborn child guilty to 25 counts of moodiness, 15 counts of fatigue, and innumerable counts of nausea. You will serve the remainder of your sentence in the solitary confinement in which you presently reside for approximately the next 7 months.
Friday, October 12
Sunday, October 7
Also yesterday, my Dad gives me a call and says "take a look at all your toys there has been a big recall" A lot of toys made in China high levels of lead. All Clara's toys are from China. Some of the signs of lead poisoning are things I have been worrying about with Clara. They say it will stunt their growth, give them behavioral issues and a bunch of other things. So now I am stressed about that. Plus I think my friend my have gone back home, I called her and her Mom answered. So it's been a crappy few days. Hope everyone else has a good weekend.
Thursday, October 4
Wednesday, October 3
Friday, September 28
Speaking of sleeping.
For as long as I can remember my parents had this gorgeous 4 piece bedroom set. It's four post bed looks amazing teamed with the mirrored chest of drawers. Eventually they got new beds because the were crowded on the queen, and I acquired the four post a little while later. When Nate and I got married they gave us the whole set. The trouble with it was, the mattress on the bed is as old or older than I am. Mattress manufactures tell you to replace your mattress every seven to eight years. You know how it is when you first get married...no mula. So we have slept on this squeaky unbearably uncomfortable bed for 3 years. We made adjustments to the mattress, like buying a tempurpedic topper, putting that under a down comforter under a pillowed mattress cover. It made it tolerable, but it still squeaked loud enough to be heard in the next room if you sneezed. A queen isn't nearly enough space for us either, but you can't put a king in the four post frame. I love it and the set so much I haven't wanted to get rid of it, but I have this pain in my arm all the time, I know it is because of the crappy bed. We decided to get a King anyways and just hang onto the other bed for a spare (happy sleeping house guests...that'll get rid of em'!). It was delivered yesterday, and our first night on it was so nice. What a difference a good mattress makes! Spending a third of your life in bed would seemingly make a good mattress high priority, but we have bought a table, a recliner, computer chairs, and only now got a new bed? Doesn't make any sense to me! I tossed and turned all night even still, but I think it was from bad habit. My built in "turn over your uncomfortable" alarm goes off every hour and a half or so, despite the fact all night I was never really uncomfortable. I am sure it will stop once I am used to being comfortable while I sleep. What a concept!
Wednesday, September 26
I have such a love of reading, and have thought on reading the series many times. I shy away because I know the books are always better than the movie. I don't want my love of the movies to change. I love the Harry Potter series and I love the movies, but I harbor disappointments in the movies. It isn't just that I read the series first either. I had seen "Jurassic Park" many times before I read it, and disappointment in the movies still crept in. Even with this knowledge, whenever I'm in the library and I see that Lucy Maud Montgomery in bold, curiosity tugs at my sleeve.
Saturday, September 22
Saturday, September 15
Wednesday, September 12
We hear a Wheez, coming from the kitched.
Nate and I exchange unsure looks.
I go to see.
Baby is running out of the kitchen.
She falls choking and gaging.
I pull her up and smack her on the back a few times.
Scream for Nate.
She can't breathe.
He picks her up and faces her down.
Pounds her back, wet wheezing.
"SHOULD I CALL 911"?
Trying to be calm he says "yes"
I panic to the phone and dial.
She's inhaling and can't exhale.
More wheezing, drool.
"CALL 911"! he yells, voice cracking.
"...at is yo...emerg-"?
"MY BABY IS CHOKING"!
....is she...hoking on?
"SHE CAN'T BREATHE"!
"... old is she"?
"IS SHE BREATHING, IS SHE OK"?
"Mam...lease stay on the phone...EMS will...in a few minutes"
"Mam stay on the phone with me, EMS will be there...."
I can't get it out of my head. it just plays over and over, all I can hear is her gasping and choking. All I can see is her running out of the kitchen, desperate, looking for her Mommy to help her. I can't fight tears, I haven't stopped feeling like crying yet.
When the ambulance arrived they checked her up and down, listened to her lungs. Nothing came out when Nate did the Heimlich and got her breathing again. I dropped a piece of ice that broke a few minutes before she started choking, I thought maybe she got a hold of a piece off the floor. EMS said we should take her to Emergency and get ex rays of her lungs for any foreign bodies, also to see if anything was broken when Nate performed the Heimlich. He pounded her back pretty hard. The ex rays came out normal. She's asleep now. I hope Nathan and I will be able to.
Rain reminds me of Nate
Hair straightners remind me of Heather
Drums remind me of Whitney
Nurses and a good jog remind me of my Mom
Guitars remind me of my Dad
Fire reminds me of Arthur
Divers remind me of Mary
Blogging reminds me of Makayla
Being bold reminds me of Jeremy
Jack Daniels reminds me of Cloie
Cameras remind me of Kira
Angels remind me of Destin
Backstreet boys Remind me of Lisa
Long hair reminds me of Megan and Kateka
Yoga reminds me of Terence
Riunite reminds me of Bridegette
Being strong reminds me of Emily
Nail Polish reminds me of Melissa
Cats remind me of Diane
Soccer reminds me of Megan
Nelly Furtado reminds me of Trisha
At least a stinky fart doesn't remind me of you ;o)