Thursday, October 18

Is Kateka right? Mind Over Matter?

I wonder. I am now aware that my nausea is a result of pregnancy, not birth control, has that knowledge made me succumb to vomiting? Before I knew I was pregnant, if I had a strong urge to throw up, I would not allow it. Somehow I felt, if I throw up I am admitting the striking similarity between this and morning sickness. If I admitted that I would have to accept the possibility I was pregnant, and that wasn't something I was willing to do. Now I know I am pregnant, yesterday I got even more hard evidence, ultrasound evidence. Now today I throw up for the first time. Is this coincidence?

I have a good hold on the idea that, if I don't eat I feel worse, today I did not eat soon enough, I payed for it. It goes against every sense of reason I posses to eat when I feel sick, when I have the flu eating it is the last thing I want to do. With morning sickness, I say to myself, "I feel like puking, I better go eat something". What's even better, when I was pregnant with Clara, I could puke, then go lay down. Today I was puking while my child was screaming and tugging on my pants, when I was done I continued making her pancakes. A while back I had the thought, I could never be pregnant right now, I would never survive morning sickness while Clara is still so little. Here I have been doing it for over two weeks, that is a big surprise. They say every pregnancy is different. I had no idea how different it would be.

Wednesday, October 17

Peanut Shaped Baby

So the baby said..."Ready or not here I come!!"

Monday, October 15

Happily blaming a named innocent

It is interesting that this blog falls directly after my Depo-Provera bashing blog, that so easily and happily blamed all the nausea, fatigue, and moodiness on the named injection. The next time I receive the shot, I probably wont experience any of those symptoms at all, because hopefully I wont be pregnant the next time I get the injection, in approximately 7 months. For the time being I am sure that while the Depo-Provera is as unfailing as it claims, working 99% of the time, I am sure even the best most efficient forms of birth control cannot prevent a pregnancy that is already well in effect. Yes, they did give me a pregnancy test, the timing, I feel was still to early to detect the pregnancy hormone HcG, and so I was given the shot within minutes after receiving my false negative. The timing had to be so acute that given one extra day, I probably would have tested positive, and one less day and it probably would have prevented the baby from implanting, as is the way of Depo-Provera. This was no were even close to being in the plan for at least two more years, my friend Alisa said it very well though "it was Gods plan!". If I have ever known anyone to be determined to the extreme in achieving a task, they are nothing in comparison to my dear lord above in this experience. God was determined to bring this baby here, right now, regardless of what Nate and I thought, wanted, believed, or tried.

And so I hereby pronounce Depo-Provera, innocent on all charges, excluding loss of libido, for which my fourth to fifth month of pregnancy will certainly take care of. I hereby pronounce said unborn child guilty to 25 counts of moodiness, 15 counts of fatigue, and innumerable counts of nausea. You will serve the remainder of your sentence in the solitary confinement in which you presently reside for approximately the next 7 months.