Friday, November 28

Carabiner Friends

Rock climbers trust their carabiners with their lives. A carabiner is a strong, if not temporary link. It can always be undone to move onto the next stage of your climb.

Not many I know spend their holidays with people whom they have known only a few short months. For me, that is how I have spent many of the major three holidays over the last four years. Last night was no exception. I have been thinking a lot about the friendships I have had and the friendships I have now. I bonded very strongly to a handful of people while in Texas, people I could not have lived without, they kept me "hangin' on", they were my carabiners. Our friendships were strong, though we all knew they were temporary. Today, I am Godmother to one of my friend's daughter, and don't even talk to one of my very closest friends anymore. It seems harsh, she was as dear to me as any friend I have ever had, aside from the small difference, the iron clad link, and the carabiner. All my friendships in Texas, started as carabiner friendships, only one transitioned to the iron clad. Sadly, that is not something to always hope will happen, and I almost hope it doesn't. It is hard enough to miss my family so much, to continually add people to the already long list of those I am constantly missing, to wonder when I will see my friend or my Goddaughter again, it is too hard, too painful to set all my friendships in so deep. I attach intentionally with the temporary carabiner link.

When we came to Michigan, I accepted that this was the way of my life and the friendships I have now, I know are easily and almost painlessly undone. But it does make me sad to spend a holiday with friends that, had we been in a position to let our roots grow deep, would be our friends for the rest of our lives. We would grey together, watch our kids go through high school, grow and change together. I think about how long my family lived in my house in Utah, if we had that many years to look forward to, with the friends we have now, we would be blessed with the greatest of lifelong friendships. But as it is now, when we leave I will probably talk to them less than five times a year, and fewer and fewer as the years go by. But Thanksgiving with them will be one of my most treasured memories, and I have no carabiner memories.

Wednesday, November 26

At the Head

Still healing up, hoping that there isn't a snag. I am not sure at this point and have an appointment with my E.N.T. on Monday. Hopefully it will be good news, but I am scared there is a hole right now, I was able to get air through my ear a little bit ago, so I am worried.

I went a month without a dishwasher. I didn't write that here! It was hell and my kitchen was in sheer chaos. I got a new one yesterday, and I will tell you, I will take putting dishes in the washer, over doing them by hand, ANY DAY. In fact I am feeling like I will NEVER procrastinate again, after washing so many dishes by hand. Yuck! What a wuss am I! Huh?

I have double duty with another Coastie lady for Thanksgiving. It is just us and her family, but I have the turkey. I have never made one before and I am a little nervous! I hope it turns out alright! I feel like I have the responsibility of the turkey a little prematurely. It seems like at this point in my life the turkey should still be Grandma's responsibility, I am still at the "helping chop things" stage. I think most people my age with small families still go to thier parents house for Thanksgiving, you know what I mean? Like the baton hasn't been tossed to me yet, but I am the head already, I am the MOM, not my Mom. It is hard to explain. I just know I would rather chop, and watch my Mom be the Grandma, like it was for me growing up. My Mom chopped or stirred or wait that was Timmy, and My Grandmother was the Chef, my Mom was the Sous chef. I am not ready to be the chef, I was never the sous! Maybe I hate doing things out of order. I am babbling. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

I spelled sous, sue....hehe. I fixed it though.