Thursday, November 11

Killer Stress

I wonder at what point do we chose to allow stress to be our guiding star in life; or if we chose it? It often feels I am making a conscious choice to remain stressed, to obsess, and decide to hang on to little things and big things alike, until my life is consumed by the difficulties instead of the pleasures. And I do have many pleasures; at least as many, if not more pleasures than stresses.

Is stress a result of life not exceeding, but continuously failing to reach our expectations? Is it for those expectations we create goals, that not met create stresses in the desire at attaining them? Even if only left to simple goals, stress awaits. I wake up and have a simplistic expectation for the day, that there be few spills, limited toddler feuding, a reasonable period of time in which I can enjoy a bit of silence, that when not obtained, create a stressful day, reading is difficult, cleaning a source of overwhelming tension, creases in my brow, and consequent exhaustion.

Perhaps my expectations of life are too high. In psychology they teach you that stress is a necessary component of living a full life. There are optimum stress levels under which we all function best. Too little stress, complacence and a sense of stagnation will set in. Too much stress, life becomes overwhelming and difficult. At optimum stress we feel productive, not overly or under worked, just motivated enough to keep a pace. Do we have too high of an expectation that life will continuously operate at the optimal stress level? There is also only so much you can do to try and regulate your stress level. Inevitably life will happen outside of your scope of reach. You can't always scale down either. When realizing you are operating outside the norm you can't always eliminate stress contributors, or for that matter introduce them (what ever that would mean). I can't put my children in a sound proof box. I can't push a button and have a home cooked meal. My computer won’t do my homework. Eliminating these stresses would require me to run away from my life, which I cannot, and would not do. So when life serves me up so much my cup runneth over, all I can do is let it run, feel the boil, and try not to break bottles or scream.

I fully expect to have a stress induced brain aneurysm or heart disease by the time I am fully 42. After all, heart disease is the leading cause of death in women, maybe its because we stress so damn much.

Wednesday, November 10


It has occurred to me during the nearly two years since I posted to this blog last, that I may have overreacted in closing it. It was a difficult time in my life then, and not much has changed today. Perhaps I am wiser (that seems inevitable, gaining wisdom over the period of years, if it is only very little). I enjoy an audience, I know I always have. It was joyful to write and be listened to; to document my own day to day, and my thoughts in those days. So here I am to do just that.

There are somethings I will not divulge. I am realizing the importance of discretion. I also see it is not important to write long drawn out and colorfully pictorial blogs. This blog will be about me. My children and family are a part of me, they define me in many ways, but there will be a key difference in my writings today as compared to those from years past; what I write will be my thoughts alone; and I cannot be here to win you over.

This blog will not serve as an update in my life in regards to my situation, my children's development, or anything but the simple wondering of a searching mother, student and wife. I will do my best to keep it entertaining. I have been known to be funny. But mostly what I want to do is write; from what I hear I am not bad at it. I am opinionated. I am not Christian. I am not any religion of any kind. I am for same sex marriage. I hate our government. I feel passionately about natural birth, and passionately about each topic I mentioned. I cannot stand judgement, or ignorance. I will write about these things and I will not be limited by taboo. I may become very controversial, which is something I avoided with devotion during my last blogging experiences. I will not write about you as an individual. I will give my very best to remain within the realm of myself and my own thoughts, in as much as they can be unaffected by outside witnessing influence.

So that is what this will be, an exercise in writing my thoughts without the limitation of assignments, essay questions or taboo. I was advised to write only for myself; and that is what I shall do.

So let us begin.

I am having difficulty re-enabling comments. Bare with me.