I know I don't come around and post very often. But this warranted documenting. I wrote this in a time of great fear and doubt, and I wrote it not very long ago, just a few days. It seemed like everything was unraveling, and being stubborn I thought I should just go ahead and handle it on my own. God has enough problems. I think it is never too late to ask for help, and I can say that the heaviest portions of this plea where taken care of in a matter of days. I posted it on facebook, but I feel filled with awe at this, and I wanted to share it here as well.
This worked for Elizabeth Gilbert, so in this time of trial, I am giving it a try. I am reaching a point where I am losing my grip on calm and I need help. In Eat Pray Love, Liz imagines people signing her petition. So you can do the same, like this for me to help petition God for my family, so we can get through everything we are faced with right now.
I need my dad's hand to regain feeling so that he can play the guitar as beautifully as he did, and without pain.
I need my dad to be safe with us, and for our trials to resolve in our favor.
I need my car to be fixed very soon, and I need it to cost less than $500.
I need nothing to come of Nathan's bump in the parking lot, and I need it to not cost more than we can handle.
I need health insurance for my family.
I need Nathan to get this job that he is perfect for at the police department as an Accounting Technician that pays exactly what we need as a family.
I need my financial aid to work out.
I need Nathan's financial aid to work out.
I need the loan on my Subaru to go off without a hitch.
I need my Subaru here in Colorado in less than two weeks.
I need to get good grades this semester so that I can get into nursing school.
I need the debt that we have acquired in our transition to civilian life to not overwhelm us, and to find a way to pay it off so that we do not drown in it.
I need Nathan to get good grades so he will continue to receive his GI Bill and his financial aid.
I need Clara to get into school with no problems. And I need her to be as happy being there as she is about getting to go.
I need James to always have good care from someone in my family while I leave him and Claralynne for this first time in their lives and go to school on campus, and to work.
I need to see our family in Utah more.
I need to feel the love of my family at all times, and for them to feel my love for them at all times.
I need peace when I sleep. I need to release my fears about all that we are dealing with now.
I need to not fight with my mother when life leaves us in unrest, and seems like too much to handle, because she is my best friend.
I need to feel gratitude for all that I have, for the love I feel, the home I live in, the food I eat, and the comforts I enjoy, the company of a family that I missed so much, and the beautiful children I am so blessed to have that are healthy, and happy and so smart, and a husband that is the best man I know, and fulfills me in a way I never knew could be in a marriage. I need to feel gratitude for these wonderful things, in place of the fear I feel for all the rest. I need to feel you with me God, as I face a time in my life unlike any other.
Less than a week later:
My father's hand is doing well. Our tuition is fixed, grades are coming along, car is bought, and the other car is fixed (though it was more than $500 it was because we asked that the extra work be done) There are still some things we need, but the hardest of what I was dealing with at the time has been taken care of. This is the part where I give thanks. And I am truly thankful.